Patience

I feel like the worst mommy in the world this morning.

My back has been hurting a lot lately and my attitude has been less than desirable. I took a muscle relaxer last night before I went to bed so I was extra sleepy when I got up this morning. Ella woke up while Jon was getting ready so he put her in bed with me. Usually she snuggles up with me and goes right back to sleep. Well, not this morning. She wanted to play. She poked my nose, pulled on my lip, pulled my eyelashes....you get the picture. I was aggrivated that she wasn't letting me go back to sleep so I fussed at her and she eventually settled down, but she never went back to sleep. When the alarm went off for us to get up I got Ella ready (gumbling the whole time) and put her in her play pen while I got ready and packed the diaper back. She was whining and crying so I fixed her breakfast and she continued to cry. I got very put out with her and I raised my voice louder than I meant to. Blah....that little bottom lip came out and she started crying, saying "Mama" over and over again. I felt like the biggest jerk...and rightly so, I was being a big jerk. My patience has been so thin with everyone lately. I'm sure it's because I haven't felt well, but that's still no excuse. I could tell I really hurt Ella's feelings, and it broke my heart. Luckily, she forgives easily and quickly.

A blog that I frequent had the most amazing post on this type of thing just the other day. If you can check it out, it is so worth the time (http://www.audreycaroline.blogpot.com/). The image of one day handing Jesus the scrapbook of my days motivates me and terrifies me at the same time. There are so many "photographs" of my life that I am ashamed of, deeply ashamed. I wish I could tear them out and burn them so he never has to see them. One of those snapshots was taken this morning when I raised my voice to my precious baby. Since I read her post I have been so much more aware of how my acts and words must look to God. I know that there are many, many times a day that He probably looks at me and shakes his head, disappointed in his daughter's actions. All I can do is try to make these pictures pleasing to him, but most of the time I will admit...I fail miserably. The thing that is so frustrating about this is that He has blessed me so much that I shouldn't be as quick to snip at my family as I am. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and has been at my side through good times and bad for 9 years and we have the most beautiful baby girl who is just the sweetest thing. I've been very prayful about my attitude lately, because I need an adjustment BIG TIME!!!!

On a brighter note, dad's heart cath went well yesterday. He had 70% blockage in one of the main arteries and they were able to put a stint in. We also found out that he has Epstein-Barr so that's what's been making him so exhausted and sick lately. Now he just has to get to feeling better before we all go to the beach!!!!

I'm going to try to get some pictures of Ella up soon. I've been pretty bad about updating and posting pics lately.

Now I'm going to go and do some work before Ella wakes up from her nap!